The upheavals and changes on the planet most recently defined by the earthquake in Japan and the shifts in middle east politics left me feeling like I was dying last week.  I couldn’t explain this in any other language.

I was on my knees, it seemed emotionally or spiritually.  I could see that others were also…it seemed like the perfect time to go to my mentor Deena Metzger’s blog and homepage to see if she had some words of wisdom.  She didn’t disappoint.

She had written a letter on her page in a call to action to build sacred communities – that the visions she was receiving from Spirit had suggested, perhaps that the next Buddha indeed would not be an individual but a group of like-minded/hearted folks.

I mentioned the idea of a Sacred Council of women to my friend Paulie and she jumped on the idea, immediately suggesting she could email a group of friends to invite them.  By Saturday’s full moon (not seen in Minneapolis due to weather conditions) we were sitting at The Healing Loft in Minneapolis, calling Spirit and weaving a Story.

We wove a Story of heartbreak, heartache and deep survival.  I witnessed and participated in a transformation so profound, I have no words yet to describe what I felt and saw.

We entered into our Full Moon Goddess archetype and created powerful intention.

We awakened to a new world, one that Deena terms the 5^th World, when we let go of our participation in the old ways, the ways that kept us separate and hurting and embraced instead the idea of Sacred Community.  I fell in love with six other glorious goddesses and embraced a new intention.

I spent the rest of the weekend learning how to officiate curling events.  I can’t see my role in community-building without acknowledging, once again, the awesome lessons that the community of curlers has given me since I started curling in September.

They pulled me from the suffering of rejection and disconnection, and brought me together into wholeness, once again placing me on the path of Sacred Community.  I fell in love with granite rocks and ice and opened my mind to new frontiers.  It’s been an awesome journey and bittersweet now that the curling season is winding down in favor of sun and better weather.

I can sense spring has arrived, as we celebrate Ostara and the Full Moon has lit up our horizons.   The god of time and space has moved the wheel of the year once more.  We are celebrating new births on so many levels both within and without while becoming more than we ever expected.

What is your biggest challenge now to letting go of your participation in the old ways?  How can we follow the No Enemy Way and embrace the concept of All Our Relations.  What do we want to create now that we are thinking so differently?

I am struck, once again by my connection to The Captain.  His presence was felt so strongly at the 10^th Anniversary of Transmission show held at First Avenue on Friday night.  He might as well have been dancing in the room there with me.  I kept searching the crowd for him.

Instead, I embraced the energy of his participating in the re-balancing of Gaia.  I felt the anxiety and deep emotion of the last week melt away into the ground as I danced with people in close proximity sharing love and the love of awesome music.  Men and women just simply enjoying the vibe and I realized that I could recognize so many faces in the crowd from my Twin Cities life…

It was an awesome testament to the sheer audacity of moving here a year ago this week.  Yes, it’s been a whole year — an amazing year.  A year marked with heartache and treachery as well as graceful and amazing community.  I feel embraced by this place.  I feel at home.

The Captain is shifting also – moving, perhaps.  Internally, externally…hard to say.  I can sense the flow changing between us and yet I do not know where it leads, just yet.  Deena Metzger says to embrace not knowing.  I struggle with this concept sometimes.  I struggle with it, in particular when it comes to The Captain.  I don’t want to impose my wanting and yet, I have to acknowledge it exists…

I was dancing with him energetically, could see his face, even on Friday night.  Felt his presence after our Sacred Council and even today.  I just can’t feel his physical presence…

If we are indeed re-balancing the Sacred Masculine/Feminine archetype through our amazing connection, then what is the grand purpose of this separation or feeling separate, physically speaking.  And what is the Sacred Medicine that will bring him home, to rest?

I can see that in not knowing, I will embrace the pathless path…onward.  Another day, another year has begun.

Would a Rose Sound as Sweet if it Sang?

(First pubished as Issue 33 of the Sacred Rose Newsletter)

This month’s artist is Brindl. The first thing that struck me about Brindl when I first encountered her was an indefinable poise and grace.

We were in the bathroom at the Sweetwater Station. It was February and I was about to get up on stage for the first time to talk to a crowd of people gathered for Krickie’s Sexy Sunday.

They didn’t know me at all and neither did Brindl. Brindl was curling her hair and adding lip gloss as a finishing touch to her make-up.

“I used to always check my fly right before a show, I was so paranoid about going on stage and my fly being down. Sometimes I was wearing a dress and I would catch myself doing it,” she said to a perfect stranger.

I was nervous as hell and looking in the bathroom mirror seemed the only sure way of avoiding being laughed at by a group of strangers who would probably think I was nuts.

Lord knows how these things work but something about Brindl’s complete surety in the process and apparent belief that everything always works out in the end, even when you are wearing a dress – helped me get through the night.

I read a passage from Deena Metzger’s book Entering the Ghost River and spoke about community building in the arts; all the while my left leg wouldn’t stop shaking. I thought I was going to fall over. I later presented Krickie with a Sacred Rose named “Lipstick.” I have a poem by that name now, about Sexy Sunday. You can hear it on my MySpace, if you are so inclined.

I was at Sexy Sunday in the same venue again August 24th. Six months to the date of my first speech on community. I read another passage from the same book and spoke about how far we have come in six months.

There were new faces but also many faces I have had the grace to meet since that first foray into community, all supporting me in my vision. I felt humble and a warm glow of knowing love. I didn’t need to check my fly but I did go back to the mirror again, maybe that will be my ritual.

Brindl is on tour with Will Edwards and her new album Acoustic Heart. A spark is in the air as more and more people I meet are speaking of music and community in the same breath.

My MySpace friends have grown from 4 to 318 and many of these folks have become dear friends. Friends I speak to about community and what’s next? Or just about life.

What have I learned since February?

Building community takes sexy, it takes poise and grace, Spirit, it takes bravado, it takes balls and it’s an amazing and beautiful thing to behold. So is Brindl. Enjoy!

So you just released Acoustic Heart April 13th, 2008 – what was that process like?

Oh man, what a process. Amazing and hard.

Did you get signed or do the work through a studio?

Well, it was recorded in my home studio. At a certain point I realized I needed to have the ability to have control over my recording and invested over the years in getting set up to do that. I wanted the flexibility to record when songs were new and fresh, which is a big part of capturing that authentic flavor that I love about certain recordings.

What was the hardest part of the process?

Trying to get the recording to sound close to what you hear in your head, and how you experience the song. But the truth is that it never is right on, and you have to let go of that need for it to match your experience, and be perfect. That’s the hardest part, letting go of what you wanted it to be. It was physically painful to say I could do more but I am putting it in the mail, it’s done.

What did you learn about engineering a song?

How you lose the energy really fast by beating a song to death with too many takes. It was interesting, to listen to the difference of take 1 to take 8, or even 4. Some of the magic is lost along the way. And the whole purpose of recording this project myself was to keep that magic; to do whatever it takes to keep that alive and have it translate into a recorded piece of music. Because so much of what I hear has lost that magic along the way or it didn’t translate.

How are you distributing Acoustic Heart?

It is available on iTunes, Amazon, CD Baby. In order to promote and distribute Acoustic Heart, I started my own label, Moxy Music http://www.moxymusiconline.com I was doing all my research on how to be a successful independent artist, I kept wishing there was a site that had some resources for independent artists, and MoxyMusicOnline.com was born out of that. So right now it is a growing online resource for independent artists. Maybe one day I will bring on more artists onto the label…we’ll see.

You went to UC Santa Cruz, I was an alumni from 1990-1994.

Yes, I went there from 1995-1999.

So we just missed each other! What did you study?

I originally went to be a writer – a creative writer. The realization was that I didn’t like the process of writing. It was a subtle difference, but with music I felt like I could exhale, be in my body, be closer to my authentic self. Writing was too left brained, and by sophomore year I was gravitating more towards art and film. But stories and poetry have seemed to find their place in all the songs I write, so in a way I am still working on the same themes, just in a different medium.

What did you end up studying at UC Santa Cruz?

Film Production. It was a roundabout way of still developing my ear and music, because I got to learn how to record and edit sound, and create moods and soundtracks. I took some music classes which were useful in some ways but I was coming to music from a completely different place. I spent a lot of hours in the piano practice rooms during that time, and played a lot of guitar at home but didn’t feel the need to play out yet. I feel like something was incubating. I was trying to hear what was coming through and develop it without the harsh light of public performing at that time.

I have an MFA in film production – yet another thing in common. Are you currently working on any film projects?

Going from being an art student to working in the film industry was a shock. And eventually I just gravitated into doing music more and more and finding ways to make a living that supported that.

What led you away from film?

It is a very external process in some ways. You have to justify every decision to others and the creative process itself is external and public. And it is expensive and the projects are massive.

Music seemed so much more immediate and manageable. I don’t think I ever found my true voice in film. I definitely never found my place in the industry. although I wouldn’t trade the experiences I had for anything, it was more of a question of how do I want to spend my days. You have to be really committed about what you are sacrificing a lot for, and it became more and more apparent that music was the direction I kept moving towards.

What led you into performing music finally?

It was time. I graduated from UCSC, moved back to the Bay Area, put a very expensive Martin guitar on a credit card and went to an open mic and played. My hands were sweaty and shaky and I barely got through it. But that went away pretty fast.

I think the power of that creative force kind of overtook any nervousness. And it is a practice, to get up on stage and just switch gears, tune in, be there to receive. Be open. If you are too much in your head, you can’t connect. But the practice is doing it over and over again, there isn’t any shortcut really. It’s taken me years to learn how to perform, to be vulnerable and relaxed and truthful in front of people.

What inspires you with your writing?

Everything! Other music, other creative people and artists doing their thing. I guess I do write a lot of songs about love. Acoustic Heart deals a lot with the theme of the archetype of love but also the source of love, what is below all of the story lines. To be able to acknowledge that deeper constant source of all of it, and to be connected to that.

What makes a good song?

Songs that have that grain of truth, that magic that comes through. My favorite songs that I have written have come though so fast I could barely write them down fast enough. So sometimes they feel like a cover almost. I listen after I write a song and see all the layers of meaning. Love Has Come To You felt like it came from that place and it was just what I needed to hear at that moment.

How do you feel your music contributes to the concept of community and being connected?

I am all for having intention with creative work. But ultimately, the creative process for me is only about letting the mind quiet down and making space for something to come through. And sometimes it is dark or shocking, but whatever it is always softens through the process anyway, so art is really a transformative act. And you hold that space for other people in performing or in general, adding that into the energetic soup…

What’s it like to perform?

It’s just like playing alone, except you have exponential amount of energy to play with. It is a shared musical experience. I think a good performer becomes a conductor of that energy, and a mirror of it.

That’s why I don’t like to have strict set lists, because it is nice to go with the feeling in the room. Good nights can be like group catharsis. But then you also have to deal with what it is like when the energy is not like that, or there are distractions that are making it an externalized experience.

But a lot of it is finding the right venues and creating the space for what you have to offer. A listening audience is helpful. But all you can do really is just be present for whatever the circumstances are and move on to the next experience. And ultimately none of it defines you.

Early in my 20’s I went through a series of traumatic things that shaped my whole approach to life. My father died and I had a host of health problems including severe chronic pain that kept me from playing guitar for two years. And when I got back to playing and got my health back, I really was able to come to music from a place of gratitude and light heartedness. And feel really lucky to get to do something I love and let go of all the rest of it.

Tell me what it was like to receive the Sacred Rose that night?

Again back to setting intention, which is what you helped do that night in a really sweet way. I feel like I have gotten so much support along the way from the community, and that the night was about that almost more than one person releasing a CD. And the rose honored that.

Brindl’s Websites:

www.brindl.com

www.myspace.com/brindl

Here we are on the road of life — expanding our potential, honoring our gifts, opening ourselves to a wide variety of experiences.

We are creative artists, musicians, healers. We work with energies and directions much larger than ourselves, often without a context for our experience.  Sometimes alone.   Occasionally afraid.  We wonder if we are the only ones feeling what we feel or experiencing what we experience. The journey will overwhelm us at times.  We find we desire community.

What if it was possible to be held in that space by an entire network of people who understand the path like you do? Who have gone through times when what they feel and are holding is so over-powering – they lay in bed wondering how they will survive or struggle fitting in with the “usual” way of traversing the life path.

It is both possible and timely to develop just this sort of community — one that sustains creativity in a holistic manner and honors the unique way our gifts our developed, fostered and distributed.

We work hard to be who we are — we practice for hours, we take lessons, we do our Artist Way Morning Pages, we get up on stage in front of lots of people with our hearts on our sleeves.  And we suffer with the weight of what we experience through our bodies that than translates into the beauty we call art.

Like Gentry says, “We deserve to get paid,” and yet often times we can’t or won’t or the system does not support this…

And it is my belief that this paradigm needs to change.  When we develop a community model that both sustains us collectively with everything from networking to emotional support and seeks to develop indigenous models of financial exchange – we will be headed in the right direction toward a cohesive creative Circle.

Sacred Rose:  I really like the line from your song “Resurrection Blue” (No War) that goes “Maybe I am a figment of my own imagination.”

Gentry: That song is also titled “A Reluctant Messiah’s Lament,” and is written from the point of view of a prophet/ Buddha (or other religious deity) who has been helping out the human race for some time and with growing frustration he/she is now saying “I’m leaving.  Fix yourself.  I can’t help you if you don’t fix yourself.”    Of course, it is also about the constant process in life of reinventing yourself, being reborn again and again through self growth.

Sacred Rose:  That is indeed what we are about here at The Sacred Rose…the constant evolution of change and also maybe becoming more conscious of directions, roles in community and how we might improve things going forward as creative artists.

Speaking of community — I have really felt that community spirit in the past at both the Sweetwater venues – The Sweetwater in Mill Valley and now the Sweetwater Station in Larkspur where you and Jesse held the PKD event in April.

I felt when going to shows at those venues like I was coming home to a community and we were sharing in a ritual of togetherness that was much bigger than just going to a club.

Gentry:  Absolutely, the folks at the Sweetwater have always been really good about fostering community.  I was part of Alchemia’s music program for 2 years, a non-profit which taught music, art, dance, and theatre to differently-abled adults.

In 2003 I taught six of these adults how to write songs, perform and be in a band.  I asked around a lot of venues and some of them would question openly how they might deal with wheelchairs and what kind of issues might arise with disabled persons at the venue.

I couldn’t quite believe this less than supportive reaction.   The Sweetwater, on the other hand, was supportive of this effort from the beginning and were really happy to help with this community effort.

Another aspect that is important to bring up is that the Sweetwater Station is an all-ages venue.

Sacred Rose:  That is true there were children present for a good part of the evening, some who were involved with the PKD Fundraiser and also playing with Jesse Brewster on stage.  I have also seen young musicians at the Sweetwater Station Open Mic night.

Gentry:  In the US, the drinking age set at 21 limits far too many people who can see live music and where they can see it.  In Europe and many places in the world, it’s legal to drink at 16, or even younger and age has little to do with seeing live music.

I try to do as many all ages shows as possible – this is something that is really important to me.  I love to see kids, teens, people in their 20’s, 30’s, all the way to their 70’s and 80’s enjoying music and sharing in community in the same room.

The energy when I am playing an all ages show is so different than a show with the usual crowd of people between 21 and 41, generally attending club shows.

When you have an audience consisting of people from the age of 3 to 73 – there is this completely different vibe.  I love this interaction between the ages, the energy that comes from older and younger people in the same room.

Sacred Rose:  This is interesting that you say this…I never thought how the age ranges in an audience could make a difference to a performer.  In society in general – we are dealing with colonial mind’s emphasis on the individual and as a result there are separations between ages – we do not benefit from the relationship with the elder, for example that indigenous mind would uphold.  This lack of wisdom and connection to all ages creates suffering…so to actually be a proponent of all-ages shows is really important.  Live music is an integral aspect of connection and healing. 

Gentry:  I have had shows in which the whole front row consists of people in their 50’s and some of them actually came to me afterward to apologize because of the lack of younger audience.  I couldn’t believe it!

Music is such an important part of culture and there are whole age ranges that aren’t experiencing live music.

Sacred Rose:  That is really funny though – that particular age ranges of an audience would apologize for being in the front rows at the show…like you might actually get really mad that there weren’t a row of hot young women in short skirts in the front row or something…

Gentry:  (laughing)…now you might just quote me like that in the newsletter and make it sound like that is what I am about…it will be like “Gentry just wants young hot women at his shows”…by the time you are done.  Don’t get me wrong…I love to see them in the audience too!

Sacred Rose:  Is that how it goes, Gentry?  It seems that everyone I interview makes references to being misquoted at least once by the press.  You know I started these artist profiles as a reaction to an interview in the Marin IJ of a local working musician where the questions asked of him were “do you want to be famous?” and “how do you make a living?”  There was an emphasis in my opinion on monetary gain rather than creative process throughout the piece and I thought – -there has to be a better Story in this community than that! 

Gentry:  Yes, there are more to musicians and our work than just wanting to be famous.   You know there was this one time I did an interview for a newspaper in which I spoke to the interviewer about the importance of a green room at music venues.  So that as a performer you have a place to get away from the chaos, get grounded and be in your own space before and after a show.

When it got to be published, the article quoted me as saying something about the green room as great place to party or something.  It sounded like I was always having quite a blast back there, and I got made fun of by some friends for that quote.  Some of my friends made fun of how it sounded.

Sacred Rose:  I read your bio on your website – it was quite extensive and your life took many twists and turns…tell me about how all of these different activities – the travel, the different jobs, the moving around — inform your music.

Gentry:  The life path people take is invaluable to the work they create.  The more experience, the more travel – the more my life is enriched as an artist.  This experience of life is fodder for my creativity and a big part of who I am as a person.  It inspires my imagination.

I like to think I have more understanding and perspective on the world than I would have if I stayed in my hometown in Minnesota. I was always supported in these explorations by my parents.  I mean, they got my name, Gentry, from a hitchhiker.  They were counter-culture people – still are really.   My Mom has seemed more worried about me when I’ve done a 9-5 job then when I am performing and living an artistic life, following my passions.

Sacred Rose:  I have noticed that it is a not uncommon theme for creative artists to travel, change jobs, and generally have a longer timeframe for “growing up,” so to speak.   We don’t fit into the normal mold of career path and have been made fun of or made to feel bad because of this…I’d like to change this point of view – as you said, the experiential learning is integral to your creativity as an artist.  I think we can actually teach people who have followed more traditional lifepaths to lighten up a little and grow in ways that are unusual for them.

Gentry:  It’s true.  And I try to get anyone I meet to expand their viewpoint by stretching themselves in this way.  I read recently that one in ten people in the United States have a passport.  That is ridiculous!  I ask those people, “What are you waiting for?”  Get a passport and get out of the country and see something you haven’t seen before.    Experience the diversity available in new places.

If you have already travelled outside the U.S. – get in a car and start driving.   The U.S. is one of the most diverse and incredibly beautiful places in the world and is so different everywhere you go that you do not have to drive far to experience something outside of what you know well.  To stretch your comfort zone.

Sacred Rose:  What’s it like traveling and playing music in other countries?

Gentry:  As a touring musician I get to play music and travel.   You can’t beat that.  I recently did a tour in Holland.  In Europe, I felt incredibly supported as a musician.  Being a musician is an important trade in Europe no different in some ways then if you were a dentist or carpenter.

In the U.S., musicians are still fighting to be seen as legitimate.  I have gone to clubs where the owners are like “We will pay you in beer – you can drink as much as you want on the night you play.”  And as a musician I am supposed to be happy about that?

Sacred Rose:  Wow!  And become an alcoholic while you are at it!

Gentry:  No kidding!  So my response to this has been to speak up.  The question I like to ask right after a statement about being paid in beer would be, “So, is that how you pay your dentist?  With a six-pack of their favorite beer?”

People are a little thrown off by this question.  But ultimately, we have to realize that we musicians have usually put a lot of time and effort into our craft.

Jesse Brewster, I think, has been playing since he was 14 or younger, I have played piano since the age of 5 – we put time into practicing, lessons, honing our craft as performers, songwriters, players, and we deserve to get paid.  It is bizarre that our culture thinks it’s OK to marginalize music and it does not feel right.

Sacred Rose:  Another point I want to go back to is the importance of having been supported emotionally in your passions by your family – so many creative artists are stuck in this area not really living out their full potential.  Many artists have grown up hearing put down after put down – when are you going to get a day job and settle down?…So you are you still doing that music thing?

Now while in the end you have to as an individual take responsibility for your own life’s outcome – I can see that by the time you are an adult after listening to negative input for so long that you might buy into this concept of not being good enough.  Of not measuring up or deserving to get paid.

Gentry:  It’s true!   After all if a club manager or theatre owner thinks it’s OK NOT to pay a musician in money, then someone, somewhere has accepted beer as a legitimate form of payment and like any vicious circle — also proving to those club owners and theatre managers that they can find artists who are willing to play only for free beer.

I think those of us who know better need to spend some time and effort re-educating not only our fellow musicians but those in the industry who support our efforts.

Sacred Rose:  The typical Starving Artist archetype that so many on both sides of the creative sphere buy into.

Gentry:  I can’t stand the concept of the “starving artist.”  I don’t think it is necessary to buy into this way of life.  And so it becomes important to talk about the process of how you support yourself and the business aspect.  To generate some understanding of this as a legitimate trade.  If artists are paid, they’ll be able to support themselves and produce better work.  And if artists learn to respect themselves enough to feel justified getting paid, then everybody prospers.  Especially, the audience.

www.myspace.com/gentrybronson

www.gentrybronson.com

Gentry Bronson Plays Piano

The first time I saw Gentry Bronson was at Jesse Brewster’s PKD fundraising event where he pounded the heck out of “Heads on Fire,” from his No War CD, jumped around the stage barefoot and made the audience laugh with various quips of one sort or another.

Gentry was nothing short of memorable.   I kept saying to myself, “Who is this guy and why haven’t I seen him in town before?”

Gentry Bronson received a Sacred Rose (a rose given as a sacred medicine ritual) that night, along with Jerry Hannan, Jesse Brewster and the cocktail waitress – who had waded through equipment,  children and music fans all night in an effort to take care of everyone singlehandedly.  The PKD event was standing room only, after all.

The cocktail waitress was grateful to receive some love in return for her efforts.  The guys were like – who is this woman with the rose thing?  Ok, Jerry Hannan had been introduced to me through Krickie.  Jesse Brewster and I had corresponded about my covering the PKD event and well…Gentry was a complete stranger.  Until the rose.

Gentry took the rose, very carefully and he may even have blushed.  I admit that it’s never been my strong point to call attention to myself quite so intimately to a stranger – but there I was, white rose in hand.

“This is just something I do for the music community,” I said.  “Well, thank you,” Gentry responded.

The Relationship Continues…

That same week, I thought it would be a great idea to add Gentry’s voice to my newsletter on PKD. He agreed to be interviewed.   How was I to know that we’d end up conversing on the nature of community for so long, that I had far too much material for one newsletter?

So here we are.  Gentry Bronson gets his own edition.

Who is Gentry Bronson?

Gentry’s biography on his website is lengthy and varied.  He was born in Bemidji, Minnesota.  He learned to play piano by making up stories between the white keys and the black keys.  He has travelled extensively worldwide.

Gentry has taught and produced music and multimedia, played in bands, washed dishes, DJ’d and bartended.   He has self-confessedly been “ridiculous” at least once – and I am certain, that doing so is a requirement for the true artistic/ creative soul.

Gentry has lived the preverbial artist’s life never quite fitting into that 9-5 box that pervades most of the world.  What did he learn?  What does he have to teach us about community and music?  And where will the Sacred Rose ritual take Gentry next?

While I know the ritual I perform as sacred medicine has changed some people’s lives already (including mine) – the medicine has a nature of its own.  Only Gentry will know, perhaps for the internal shifts of community are so often personal.

In the end, I am certain that someone with a life already as varied as Gentry’s will most undoubtedly have interesting tales to tell as the future unfolds.  We can look forward to witnessing where the road of life takes him next.

Sacred Rose:   The mentor and village elder to this work we do, Deena Metzger writes in her book Entering the Ghost River: Meditations on the Theory and Practice of Healing, that she always asks those coming for healing or music Daré this question, “Why has this illness in particular, come to you, in particular, at this time, in particular?” (pg27)  Can you put words to these thoughts with regard to your situation?

Jesse: Sure.  I feel like that is a question I have answered many times.  I really have come to a point where I feel I was meant to get this illness.  Everything happens for a reason.  If my family had not been afflicted and I had not been the person I am – in the public eye playing music, and motivated to make difference – that would be one less person to speak up and champion the cause.  Part of my purpose is to raise awareness for PKD.

What’s interesting is that with music you have a creative platform.  Most musicians take this for granted.  It is actually a blessing to have this.  How often do you get a chance to have a captive audience?  You have this opportunity to make a difference and speak up and I don’t just mean by saying things like “Bush sucks!” or something like that.  I mean to really make a difference to a lot of people.

Sacred Rose: One of the things we talk about in indigenous healing is that the person holds an illness for a community.  That it is a gift for the community for them to do it because we learn from their life, their struggles. Also that as a community we heal the illness together – it is not just a disease of one person (and aren’t we glad we don’t have it) it is essentially our illness.

For us to be whole – the other person has to be whole.  For the planet to be whole – Jesse and others like him need to be cured, be well.

Gentry: Absolutely – we learn about things through our illnesses, our struggles.  We educate people by telling our Stories…if you learn from hearing my stories about struggle – anyone’s stories really – then there is a purpose to what we all go through.  We educate people through our struggles and our victories.

One of the things I really appreciated about the show at the Sweetwater Station on April 4th was that it really felt like a community effort – which goes back to what you were saying about healing illness as a community.

The artists – Jesse Brewster, Jerry Hannan and I – we donated our time to this cause and other members of our bands reduced their fees or played for free.  Moreover, the common intention of the evening was to raise funds and awareness for PKD and I really felt that energy take hold of the entire event.

It was not about egos or what was good for one person, but what is good for a lot of people.  At the PKD benefit – I had this feeling of being part of a family, which is great and makes it all worthwhile.  I know Jesse put in most of the work organizing the benefit and at the same time we were all contributing our time and the attitude came across in the energy of the entire evening.

Sacred Rose:  What about you, Jesse?  Have you thought of your illness this way before?

Jesse: As a gift to the community?  No I haven’t thought of it this way.  I suppose that when you tell your story of struggle everyone benefits from hearing how you have handled things; what you have done.   With the benefit show, I was really impressed with the sense of community. The supportive atmosphere and the connection with the audience we had and between the people attending.

I felt the collective come together in a positive way and the music bringing people together. We were building this love and support that radiates outward.

Part of the issue with this disease is people who know they have it don’t want to talk about it; they are afraid and like all unmentioned fears, the problem gets worse not better.  If you consider the population of San Francisco and the statistic that 1 in 500 people have PKD then that is 1500 people walking around the city with the disease.

Some don’t know they have it and those that do, often won’t talk about it.  PKD is one of the most common genetic disorders on the planet and yet it sorely underfunded both privately and by the government compared to its prevalence.

Some of this has to do with awareness.  If people are afraid to speak up, then no one knows how prevalent the disease is.

The thing is with PKD, unlike a lot of the other diseases which are still far from a cure, there is a strong belief based on what we know so far that a cure could be found within five years.  They have already identified the chromosome that causes the problem.  There is a lot of hope.

Sacred Rose:  So how do you see your role with the PKD Foundation and in community?

Jesse:  I understand that people are asked for money all the time.  Money and time they don’t have for all kinds of benefits.  I would like to do more for other people’s causes, and feel sorrow and wish I could do something.  There are just so many and it’s easy to get torn in all kinds of different directions.

I think people also fear what they don’t understand.  Since I have the disease, I can concentrate on telling the story and helping people understand.

Sacred Rose:  Also, you have to realize you cannot do it all.  I know I want to help creative people lead better lives and achieve their dreams, and yet, I am only one person so for now, I concentrate my efforts building community in the Bay Area and around Marin County in particular.

I believe if I concentrate here first then eventually I can also reach more people.  When the community is built, then we have a support network to better accomplish our dreams, or heal or feel connected.

Jesse:  The music scene here is really amazing.  I have always believed that we should come together and really build community and I have tried to do that in my career.

I am always glad when someone reaches the next level in their music career especially those we have supported from the beginning.  They move onto bigger venues or larger tours and a space opens up for the next local musician or group.  There is room for fostering those who are just starting out and being an example of how to make a living in music.

The music business can be difficult.  Money has corrupted the industry.  I think we have a great opportunity to change the music business by building communities that foster that sense of support and inter-connectedness.

In a band, for example you need to have that sense of kinship to really perform at your best, if you don’t have this, your audience can tell.  The music industry is driven by self-centeredness and the song and songwriting have suffered.

Sacred Rose:  I know when I was young I really enjoyed music often watching bands I loved perform live on television and dancing for hours.  Music was a huge part of my upbringing in that way.  So when I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up I’d say. “I want to be famous.”  My Mom said to me, “You don’t want to be famous.  Being famous only leads to heartache.”  I think I realize now that it’s not fame you want – you may want to reach a lot of people with a message but what you want is to be fulfilled and be giving back to community.

Jesse: People have asked me if I got into music to “get chicks.”  I did not come from this place or of the place of “look at me.”  I did not originally want to be a front man and in fact was comfortable being the guitarist in the band.

So as far as fame and money go, I think if you are motivated by that you won’t be successful in the long run.  Going after music simply to be famous will get you in trouble.  That being said, I’ve gotten to the point in my career where I get to perform and do what I love, travel and make enough to take care of my family.

I also get to build on this and help a great cause.  That is one of the reasons I chose to spend some time building up my rock band and really coming into my own as a musician before I ventured back into my acoustic work and speaking on behalf of the PKD Foundation.

Now that I am in this position, I can continue to build on my reach so that perhaps next time we do the benefit, it’ll be too big for a venue with only 125 seats.  With bigger events, we can reach even more people.

Sacred Rose:  What are the next steps for this music community?

Jesse:  The music scene in the San Francisco Bay Area was really good once and then for awhile it got cheesy. The scene hit a particular low after the dot.com bust, when venues that had once showcased great local acts, no longer had the fan base support and went out of business.

Now I see a resurgence in the quality of the music scene.  I think the energy is shifting and we are once again coming around.  I think it would be great to get to the point in this area when people want to come here to build their careers and play music and when the area is known as a destination for finding good live music to listen to and appreciate.

I think if we support each other we can build an awesome community.

For More Information on these artists & to Donate to PKD Research:

www.pkdcure.org

Go to “donate now” and reference ‘Jesse Brewster’s Rockin for a Cure benefit event’

www.jessebrewster.com

www.gentrybronson.com

Also MySpace at:
www.myspace.com/jessebrewster

www.myspace.com/gentrybronson

(Originally published in The Sacred Rose email publication)

On April 4th, 2008 Jesse Brewster held a benefit concert for PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) at Sweetwater Station in Larkspur California.  April 4th was the 10-year anniversary of his brother’s death from the genetic disorder.   Gentry Bronson and Jerry Hannan also headlined that night.

What many people do not know about PKD is that it is one of the most common life-threatening genetic diseases.  It affects more than Down syndrome, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy and sickle cell anemia – combined.*

If you have not heard of PKD, but have heard of the other disorders, the reason why is a mystery of sorts.  While 1 in 500 people in the WORLD have the Autosomal Dominant type of PKD, it is one of the least known and funded disorders; many people walking around with it do not know they have it and of those that know, few will talk openly.

I spoke the night of the benefit with Dave Switzer, National Director of Marketing & Public relations for the PKD Foundation.  Dave said that the first symptoms of PKD do not usually show up in individuals until the age of about 30 so they can easily not know they inherited the disease.

Polycystic Kidney Disease creates a situation where water-filled sacks take over the kidneys, making them less and less able to function over time, and creating a kidney much larger than a healthy organ.  The first symptoms might easily be attributed to other things because a person whose kidneys don’t function correctly might just feel tired at first and attribute this to their lifestyle.

According to Dave, people who do know they have PKD are often afraid to come out of the closet and reveal the disease since they believe they will lose their insurance coverage, their jobs or worse.  Unfortunately, there is still a lot of misinformation out there about genetic disorders.

The problem with the fear and stigma is that it creates a double-bind.  Since people have not been outspoken about PKD, the National Institutes of Health only devoted $32 million for PKD research.  Raising money from private sources is difficult if those with money to donate are not aware of the seriousness of the problem.

Costs of healthcare resulting from PKD to the Federal government is $2 Billion so one can easily see how huge a disparity there is in research dollars to costs of care.

After the benefit I sat down to talk with friends and fellow musicians Gentry Bronson and Jesse Brewster to discuss their experiences with the benefit, PKD and life in general.

I also wanted to know more about PKD from the standpoint of indigenous mind.   If this disease is suffered on behalf of the community – what does the disease and the experience of those afflicted have to teach the rest of us.  How can we heal and what is the medicine?

Sacred Rose: I saw that the money you raised at the benefit in April keeps rising and is now over $5000.

Jesse: Yes.  It was a great night. A great vibe and turn out.

Sacred Rose: Jesse you have been diagnosed with PKD, when did you first find out?

Jesse:  I was twenty years old.  In fact, I did not want to know…up until then I had purposefully avoided finding out.  I knew that both my Dad and my brother who was seven years older than me had the disease.  I was twenty and in college and I knew I had a 50/50 chance of having PKD but wanted to live without having it on my mind all the time.

I just tried to lead a healthy lifestyle, regardless of if I had the disease or not.  Then I was in a car accident and had to have an MRI.  I told the technician, “You can do the MRI but don’t tell me if you find anything that suggests I have PKD.”  I waited for the results and when they told me, they were like – well you know that disease – you got it!  I was like, “Great! Thanks!”

Sacred Rose: What happened after that?

Jesse: I had a whole blood work up and a full check-up and I sort of moved on and tried to live my life.  I was a little bummed.

Sacred Rose:  Gentry, I know Jesse has the disease but how did you get involved with the PKD fundraiser and benefit show?

Gentry:  When Jesse and I first met, I had no idea his family suffered with this disease nor that Jesse had it himself.  My band played as part of Jesse’s record release for his Confessional record in 2004, the proceeds of which went to the PKD Foundation and it was the first time I had heard of PKD.

Of course, now that I know Jesse and his Dad, I am closer to the issue, knowing someone with the disease really impacts you and it becomes important to work towards finding a cure.

I knew that the April date (April 4th, 2008) was the date of the anniversary of the death of Jesse’s brother and so I knew it would be really important for Jesse to do the show on that day.

I am a big supporter of benefits like Jesse’s and try to volunteer as much as possible.  I’ve been a performing artist for the Marin based organization Bread and Roses since 2004, I’ve done benefit shows for the North Bay non-profit, Alchemia, and the East Bay Conservation Corps Charter Elementary School – Jesse and his band were part of that, and for Earth Day in San Francisco.

Sacred Rose:  After speaking with Dave Switzer from the PKD Foundation, I really got a sense for how PKD is not as well known as other genetic disorders.  How do you think the benefit show helped the cause Gentry?

Gentry: I think one of the coolest things about doing this benefit is that you bring awareness to people about something like PKD, which is not talked about or known about enough.  Jesse had the goal of reaching $10,000 for the benefit – which is an incredible goal.  I told him – even if you don’t make that much money – you are building awareness and reaching more people and that is huge.

Now people who did not know before, understand that the disease exists.  KFOG and the Marin IJ covered it and that is huge for this area.

Sacred Rose: Jesse, your brother who died in 1998 – he was older and I take it his disease was more progressed?  How was that for you given your reluctance to know about your own PKD?

Jesse: Actually, my brother suffered from high blood pressure, which was controlled by medications however, his disease was not more progressed meaning we were not expecting him to pass away.

One of the side effects of this disorder is a propensity toward aneurysms…my brother died suddenly from a brain aneurysm at 29 and it was a huge shock for us all.

Sacred Rose: Wow!  I bet a lot of people don’t realize this.  How did that change things for you?

Jesse:   My brother and I had not grown up in the same house, we were half-brothers so I did not really become close to him until he moved up to Berkeley from Southern California.  He was the biggest fan of my music and really encouraged me to keep at it.

He played drums and when he moved closer, we started our first band together.  He really solidified my path as a musician.  When he passed, it was tough emotionally for awhile but also from that point, I became really empowered.  I wanted to make him proud with what I did.

Everything has a purpose.  I live each day as though it is my last.  When I was in my twenties, I did not know if I was going to die at 29 and I still don’t know when.  I have a drive and determination with music, I travel and try to do all the things he didn’t get to do or experience while I have the chance.

Sacred Rose: How did the experience losing your brother influence your music or did it?

Jesse:  After he died I had wanted to write a song for the funeral.  I had done some songwriting in the past but in the musical sense and not as a lyricist. I had up until that point played guitar for bands as the background singer and guitarist, not as a front man.

So I tried to write the song but couldn’t pull it together in such a short time.  I continued to work on my singer/songwriter material and in 2005 I completed a benefit record for PKD with the song “One Reason” dedicated to my brother.

Writing this material was a challenge for me because I had always written but more along the lines of long stories rather than poetic work; there was definitely a learning curve.

With the release of the Confessional record I jumped head first into the role of front-man, singer/songwriter and used that forum to raise awareness for PKD.

Sacred Rose:  And the rest was history!  Your songwriting is clearly important to you and you looked comfortable up on stage the other night speaking up for PKD with Gentry, the kids playing violin on the cover of the Beatle’s hit “Eleanor Rigby”…I was impressed.

Jesse:  My road was not as clear as it appears.  Shortly after the release of the Confessional record, I went through a bit of a rebellion.  I felt like I had gotten pigeon-holed as the guy with PKD who plays music.  PKD was defining my life, becoming my life’s mission and purpose and my music was taking a backseat.  I really wanted to establish myself as an artist, a guitarist and a band leader so I got away from my acoustic work.

I established the Jesse Brewster Band which reflects a completely different style – similar to Stone Temple Pilots, Foo Fighters and the like – a much grittier, hard-edged rock sound.  I took the jump away from singer/songwriter and got the band going, also completing some CDs.

Still, I continued to write and soon had a backlog of material.  I returned to solo acoustic at the end of 2007.  This is when I also felt like I had established myself enough as an artist away from PKD to come back around full circle.

April 4th was the 10-year anniversary of my brother’s passing.  Now I have both outlets for my music – my rock show and the acoustic work.  I am able to make a living at music and support myself so I feel like I am ready to contribute to increasing awareness for PKD.

(Continued in Part 2)

Healing in Community

Krickie speaks about another young musician who struggled with his anger over a break-up.  Krickie had first-hand experience with this person acting violently in public and lashing out.

Initially, people counseled Krickie to obtain restraining orders and bar this person from her life entirely – but she chose not to.  She sees that perhaps this person too was disconnected and feeling like he couldn’t express this any other way then through anger and physical lashing out.

“He was a part of this community too and in desperate need for us to be there for him.”

Sacred Rose: What sustains you?  What is your medicine?

KRICKIE: Being surrounded by musicians and music.  Feeling the energy of the performance, this sustains me.  The community.  Wanting to play my songs for people.  I get to play music with other people and share music with them.  I love this.

Sacred Rose: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

KRICKIE:   I would like to help others hone their craft and do what they want – such as in a counseling capacity – getting them to be where they would like to be musically.

Writing songs for other people — I would love to do this – it’s a lot of work, and it’s a numbers game but I would love to have other people sing my songs. I need to be recording more, in the studio for this to happen and so this is another thing I would like to do more of as well as sing and write songs.

I could also see myself working with children more – they get so excited when I bring my guitar to the school that Ariel goes too – it would be nice to work with them on a more regular basis, I just need to learn more children’s songs.

Sacred Rose: What was it like being a recipient of the Sacred Rose and participating in the blessing ritual?

KRICKIE: I felt like I was not doing this alone; a feeling of solidarity came over me.  I felt it was a sign of protection.  All night people were asking me about the blessing – what is it, when will it be, what is this all about?  I didn’t really have an answer.  The blessing and the ritual turned out to be really fulfilling — above and beyond the music itself.  The ritual was bringing people together even more.  It was clearly more powerful than all of us and one could sense that Spirit was a part of the event.  Although I didn’t originally have any expectations, I can now say that participating in the ritual exceeded anything I might have thought prior.

Sacred Rose: Anything else you would like to add?

KRICKIE: I started out as a shy little girl who didn’t ever want to get up in front of people so I am amazed that I am where I am at.  My stomach used to churn in school having to get up in front of the class or even speak up or answer questions. I would never have considered performing.  And yet, here I am!

Also “It’s all about the music.”

Write to Krickie at:  Krickie@Krickie.com

(First Published in an email newsletter titled The Shamanic Circle and later renamed The Sacred Rose)

Peri’s, Fairfax, California — Community Center

Krickie spoke to me about how the collective music nights created a space at Peri’s for genuine community – transforming Peri’s from a traditional dive bar to a place to come for community togetherness, music, camaraderie and atmosphere so much lacking in much of society.  Probably the true epitome of indigenous mind.

“It is an important space to keep up,” Krickie added, “Now people like Bonnie Hayes show up there and other music nights have been added such as blues night and open mics. This space has opened the door for a lot of people.”

Krickie also attributes this successful movement to Mike wanting to achieve this for himself as well – creating the space for musicians by asking her and other people to set-up music nights.

Sacred Rose:  What is the hardest thing about being a musician?

KRICKIE: I would say finding inspiration and staying inspired.   As well as honing your craft and getting better.  Especially when I spend most of my time on the business end.

There are times when the biggest fear is “Will I ever write another song again?”  You have to deal with the creative pressure.  And I have to appreciate everyday that I get to play and do my thing on stage, even if I am not writing.

I also try not to compare myself to other people and what they are doing.  Everyone is unique.  If you sit there and compare yourself it is not healthy for your growth as an individual.

I think the other thing that is essential and very hard for people is being vulnerable.  You have to be willing to be vulnerable and so many people aren’t willing and stop themselves short from their potential.

Sacred Rose: I would guess that this is the area where artists often find the need for self-medication of various types and get stuck because it feels as if this is the only way they can make that leap to being vulnerable – when they are numbed out and using something.  Or they can avoid the feelings that come up when they are in a vulnerable position.

KRICKIE: No kidding – been there a few times myself.

Sacred Rose:  What is your criterion for a good song?

KRICKIE: I think one of the things is that you have to get feedback which means your song has to be played publically.  Catchy lyrics and when people want to sing along, I believe that is a sign of a good song – people are into it if they are inspired to sing.

Also – it has to end.  Those 10 minute songs that go on and on….not so good.  I also can tell by how little kids react to my songs.  I will often play my new songs for Ariel (the little girl Krickie takes care of as a nurse).  She really knows a good song and will get very excited.

Sacred Rose:  How do you think musicians and creative artist’s hold themselves back with their craft?

KRICKIE:  Fear of rejection is the number one thing – it is really the bottom line.  Fear of not measuring up.  We always want people to like us and respond well to our work.    But I think back, and I have had some really bad shows with really negative reactions and as an artist you have to be ready for this.

You have to see this as part of the whole picture and not take it personally.  Although it is hard sometimes.  Fear of not being good (at what you do).  Wanting to be perfect.  That is part of my job as a producer – to get people out there and just try their craft, never mind if it is perfect or not — just do it!

We need each other, we need to support each other this way and just have an acceptance for trying things, working on them and not waiting to be perfect before you get up there and do your thing.

Sacred Rose:  If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?  Sort of just kidding with this question.

KRICKIE: Well, I can tell you what tree I would be!  I would be a weeping willow.  Because they are shady and cool and people go together to sit under them, relax and take picnics.

Sacred Rose:  What was the pathway, the road that got you to this place of building community?

KRICKIE: I would say this feeling of detachment.  I always felt like I didn’t belong – anywhere I went.  I did not feel connected to people.  The experiences of my childhood and life led me to a place of wanting community but then I couldn’t find what I wanted anywhere.  That is when I decided that I needed to just build it myself.

Sacred Rose:  That is interesting that you talk about this path – it must be why you and I get along so well.  When I was in Sacred Council with Deena Metzger in January, my initial introductory story was a life-path story – a series of vignettes – that afterwards I realized were the search for community.  Everywhere I went, everything I did I was searching for someplace to feel at home.  I thought I would find it in school, in travel, in different activities or relationships and I never did.  Part of the work of the Council was realizing that I was going to have to create this community we desperately seek, especially as creative artists.  Basically, this community we are looking for doesn’t exit – it was eradicated by colonial mind.  Part of what we are doing now – what I am doing and you are doing — is learning to recreate the tribe through the indigenous mind.  Maybe we haven’t called it that but that is what we are doing.  I think back to my healing work with Joe (a young musician diagnosed with Manic Depression).  I think his main issue was not feeling loved and not being able to love himself as deeply as he needed.  This made him angry.  Men get angry when they are disconnected from their heart and women get depressed – generally speaking.

(Continued in Part 3)