The upheavals and changes on the planet most recently defined by the earthquake in Japan and the shifts in middle east politics left me feeling like I was dying last week.  I couldn’t explain this in any other language.

I was on my knees, it seemed emotionally or spiritually.  I could see that others were also…it seemed like the perfect time to go to my mentor Deena Metzger’s blog and homepage to see if she had some words of wisdom.  She didn’t disappoint.

She had written a letter on her page in a call to action to build sacred communities – that the visions she was receiving from Spirit had suggested, perhaps that the next Buddha indeed would not be an individual but a group of like-minded/hearted folks.

I mentioned the idea of a Sacred Council of women to my friend Paulie and she jumped on the idea, immediately suggesting she could email a group of friends to invite them.  By Saturday’s full moon (not seen in Minneapolis due to weather conditions) we were sitting at The Healing Loft in Minneapolis, calling Spirit and weaving a Story.

We wove a Story of heartbreak, heartache and deep survival.  I witnessed and participated in a transformation so profound, I have no words yet to describe what I felt and saw.

We entered into our Full Moon Goddess archetype and created powerful intention.

We awakened to a new world, one that Deena terms the 5^th World, when we let go of our participation in the old ways, the ways that kept us separate and hurting and embraced instead the idea of Sacred Community.  I fell in love with six other glorious goddesses and embraced a new intention.

I spent the rest of the weekend learning how to officiate curling events.  I can’t see my role in community-building without acknowledging, once again, the awesome lessons that the community of curlers has given me since I started curling in September.

They pulled me from the suffering of rejection and disconnection, and brought me together into wholeness, once again placing me on the path of Sacred Community.  I fell in love with granite rocks and ice and opened my mind to new frontiers.  It’s been an awesome journey and bittersweet now that the curling season is winding down in favor of sun and better weather.

I can sense spring has arrived, as we celebrate Ostara and the Full Moon has lit up our horizons.   The god of time and space has moved the wheel of the year once more.  We are celebrating new births on so many levels both within and without while becoming more than we ever expected.

What is your biggest challenge now to letting go of your participation in the old ways?  How can we follow the No Enemy Way and embrace the concept of All Our Relations.  What do we want to create now that we are thinking so differently?

I am struck, once again by my connection to The Captain.  His presence was felt so strongly at the 10^th Anniversary of Transmission show held at First Avenue on Friday night.  He might as well have been dancing in the room there with me.  I kept searching the crowd for him.

Instead, I embraced the energy of his participating in the re-balancing of Gaia.  I felt the anxiety and deep emotion of the last week melt away into the ground as I danced with people in close proximity sharing love and the love of awesome music.  Men and women just simply enjoying the vibe and I realized that I could recognize so many faces in the crowd from my Twin Cities life…

It was an awesome testament to the sheer audacity of moving here a year ago this week.  Yes, it’s been a whole year — an amazing year.  A year marked with heartache and treachery as well as graceful and amazing community.  I feel embraced by this place.  I feel at home.

The Captain is shifting also – moving, perhaps.  Internally, externally…hard to say.  I can sense the flow changing between us and yet I do not know where it leads, just yet.  Deena Metzger says to embrace not knowing.  I struggle with this concept sometimes.  I struggle with it, in particular when it comes to The Captain.  I don’t want to impose my wanting and yet, I have to acknowledge it exists…

I was dancing with him energetically, could see his face, even on Friday night.  Felt his presence after our Sacred Council and even today.  I just can’t feel his physical presence…

If we are indeed re-balancing the Sacred Masculine/Feminine archetype through our amazing connection, then what is the grand purpose of this separation or feeling separate, physically speaking.  And what is the Sacred Medicine that will bring him home, to rest?

I can see that in not knowing, I will embrace the pathless path…onward.  Another day, another year has begun.

Sometime last year, I decided to start writing about someone I called The Captain on my Facebook status messages, originally titled something like “Life with The Captain and other Stories.”  Facebook has limits on status length, which are even worse when you post via phone and I cannot include the title most times.

I released these status messages along with another set I called “The Goddess Chronicles”.  The Chronicles use the voice of a higher self or High Priestess and The Captain posts detail the intricacies and development of a relationship.

I get many questions and now have a growing fan base of people reading The Captain posts and leaving their thoughts on who, what and how.   I find the interaction on this quite intriguing.  More recently, I have posted other thoughts and had the occasional person ask me what The Captain would think on the issue!

The truth is, I started writing about The Captain because I longed to communicate something that could not be communicated in any other way – or so I thought.  I used The Goddess Chronicles as a means of expressing essential truths or thoughtforms that come to me as a priestess or spiritual person but don’t serve me to present them in my normal everyday voice but as a separate part of who I am.

I also thought of these posts as instructional or expanding in some way, food for thought or even contrast to what is normally considered a “status” message format on Facebook.  In other words, I wanted as a writer and artist to play with conventional forms of expression – ones status message – and use them as a form of communication of both a creative and instructional nature without sounding dogmatic or presumptuous.

The Captain however, is a character I developed through the medium of my own spiritual viewpoint – that we create our reality in the spiritual long before it shows up as physical reality.  I had been working with the Twinflame spirit bond as part of my spiritual work on the planet for many years – actually talking to and interacting with a spiritual form, sometimes appearing as one person or another in my life, although not necessarily of the romantic nature.

Through the medium of these meditations and telepathic conversations with someone I had not met or assumed was a particular person, I embarked on a many years long journey of self-development regarding the idea of creating the relationship (of a partnership variety) that would most benefit me and the planet.

It has since come to my attention through channeled guidance, that these relationships are intended to heal Gaia herself through the re-balancing of the Divine Masculine/Divine Feminine energies.  I am not the only spiritual practitioner creating and working with the partnership potential in this more holistic and less physical format.  I have now embarked on physical conversations with others in the same boat and there are definitely some patterns to our work which are of the common variety.

These relationships aren’t initially physical in nature but come through the medium of spiritual self-expression and understanding.  The common features so far seem to be that one partner is more awake or developed than the other and one partner (if not the same one) has the ability to perceive and/or hear their divine counterpart telepathically or feel them emotionally.

The other common pattern is that the people involved seem to come from a position of difficulty in relationship at the beginning of their lives – history of divorce, abuse, one bad relationship after another, or little perceived success with them but also a feeling that something is “out there.”

The conjoined energetic twins are housed in separate physical bodies and it is not necessary for them to be of the heterosexual variety but they would need to be balanced as in one partner is the Divine Masculine and the other the Divine Feminine of their soul group.

As the partners draw closer, the intensity of their bond is increased through the awakening process – which most often takes place separately but through the pull of wanting to meet their partner.  The difficult relationships seem to spawn the desire to “create” something better which in turn leads to a spiritual path of some sort that enables them to begin working more consciously on their contracts, which originated prior to incarnation.

Once one partner is awakened to the concept of consciously working on relationship through the medium of their telepathic-emotional bond, without the benefit of the physical presence of a person to mirror or reflect; the real work begins.   It is even at this point, that the awakened partner may meet their person physically but not be in a position emotionally/mentally or physically to do anything about the relationship.  Instead of the old paradigm – two ships passing in the night – it is more like the one ship going up and down the coast line for a safe harbor, but the harbor isn’t built yet.

There is no way to explain this process well to those who consider relationships in the purely physical sense, waxing lyrical about Match.com or E-Harmony and lamenting about how difficult it is to “find” someone.  While there is nothing wrong with such an existence or even in the building of contrast through a series of relationships, not intended to be lasting, the Twinflame is of a completely separate relationship model and is not subject to the usual physical laws.

I have even heard of people who say they understand the model and who are afraid of their Twinflame and I would also place them in the category of those only here to learn and grow in soulmate contracts (karmic) and series relationships rather than perform the divine medicine of the Twinflame.  This is not a path about “I” but one of “We.”

This path is not for the feint of heart or even of the cool variety or the person who thinks there is a choice upon incarnation about the work at hand.  Once committed, it is your path.  It is actually a separate, divine contract with Gaia and has less to do with romance than it does with balancing the Earth’s energies and restoring love as the blueprint for our creation model.

I have often described The Captain as both a person and a Spirit.  While I interact with him in the spiritual and develop the relationship through a series of processes, tests, quests and ups and downs, no different in some ways than a long-lasting marriage, I am not currently in a physical-based relationship with The Captain.

I do however, after all these years know where he is physically.  Nevertheless, I still have to be respectful of The Captain’s own process of enlightenment – a path which is wholly separate from mine, despite our energetic process.  This aught not to be public display but a private one although I am tasked with sharing some of it so that others may benefit from the knowledge we have gathered so far.

I think in the end, The Captain posts are a way to be playful and creative with my own personal version of the Story rather than an attempt in any way, shape or form to tell HIS side…It would be up to him to do that part or even to decide whether to share publically any aspect of his story.

In the end, when the time comes that the spiritual and physical become one – I may find myself either writing a different story or handling The Captain in a whole new way than what I have been doing so far.  I do not know even if I will feel the need to continue posting the story or if the story will turn into some other expression or creative outlet entirely.  That is yet to be seen.

I think it goes without saying that some of what I post is not physically accurate for the purpose of occluding the reality of my circumstance and protecting the “innocent” but the energy of the posts is accurate and intended to share the complexities of the path both heart-warming and heart-wrenching at times.

What I have uncovered in this process includes past life relationships, hardship, working with energy, healing, healing work, partnerships with other supporters all flowing toward a more balanced energy here in the planet.  We are joined, not separate.  What one person does effects the other and we’re all in this dance together.

This is a loving Tango…unmasking love in its highest forms…letting go, letting go, letting go…FEELING.  And the more we practice, the more we are learning and developing and growing – Together.

I am reflecting on all 2010 has been.  This time last year, the idea of moving to Minneapolis, Minnesota was a (sort of) tentative idea.  I growing and nagging feeling that my heart and soul was intended to be there but my head was trying to “figure out” logistics.

Should I or Shouldn’t I?  The mantra of my 2009 New Year as  the things that had exploded after October were causing wellsprings of fear and trepidation as to my abilities to really survive.

Moved here I did, however, really coming for good at the beginning of March and surviving ever since.

Maybe there were some downs but mostly there were plenty of ups and I spent the summer attending various music shows, dancing to good music and getting to know the “energies” of the Twin Cities.

I am enjoying every aspect of the weather – even the adventure of getting stuck in one record-breaking blizzard and ice-storm almost back to-back.  All the well-meaning people who worried I’d not survive the Minnesota winter can stop worrying…well at least until January and February (J)

Of all the dreams I had for last year, many of them were tabled in favor of traversing the many retrogrades we had in 2010 – Venus, Chiron, Neptune and our usual friend, Mercury were just a few of the planets that went over old territory last year– nevermind, the numerous and constant Star Gates in which the planet was downloaded with new expansive energies all for our growth and expansion.

I look forward to 2011 because I think many of the dreams I had on the table for 2010 (other than the move itself) will manifest this year.  I can FEEL it…beyond anytime before I feel I am ready to go forth and prosper (to use a Star Trek term).

I think the biggest lesson that was honed in for me in 2010 was to stop seeing things as “bad” or “good.”  I got out of judging my experiences, for the most part, and instead enjoy them in the moment.  Even when things are difficult, I realize that they are in my highest good – I see that they are leading to what I want AND that I am being protected.

I went through many job ups and downs this year but in each one I become more clear about what I wanted.  Also I could see that it wasn’t about ME at all but a much larger and bigger picture.  In the end, I was taken care of financially, could do everything I wanted (within reason) and enjoyed good food, wine, music and friends throughout the year.  I hardly every felt or was deprived even when I was not working!

Last night I was re-watching “The Holiday,” with Jude Law.  It was appropriate because my Money Honey looks just like him in that movie and because a year ago New Year’s we watched his movie in my parent’s house in California.  Now here I was house-sitting in Mineapolis with a white Christmas going on outside.

If you have read my Facebook status messages, you know I write “short short stories” about a character I call “The Captain.”  This is the name I give to my Twinflame/soulmate energy I work with in a conscious evolution prior to our physical relationship manifesting.  I have already met several people working in this manner in the metaphysical community.  As we leave 3D reality and enter fully into 5D (dimensional) reality – the concept of creating in Spirit before the physical will become more commonplace.  For now I realize reading these stories is a challenge to many and that’s what I hope to do with writing them – bridge the gap between one way of thinking and behaving into a new way.

If you are lost or challenged by new concepts coming to you, while your friends are more relative to the physical, you will appreciate that you are not the only one going through this!

At any rate, just realize that all things, including our relationships are created in the non-physical realms first…and those that are willing can work consciously on creating the relationship of their dreams SPIRITUALLY first, including maybe even knowing WHO it is before it is a relationship you can both BE in…

I know this will come across as challenging to understand if you have not considered this before.  This is not the same as controlling or doing spells on someone to get what your EGO wants…it is working with energy in the form of LOVE, to grow yourself into alignment with the relationship which is part of your soul contract work on the planet.

I will write more about this in 2011.  In the meantime, enjoy your holiday and really and truly embrace the LOVE  in your heart and soul!

I walked in the snow last night as the light, white flakes fell benevolently like kisses from the sky.  The powers that be weren’t plowing, it would have been silly, perhaps since the newly plowed roads and walkways would most assuredly be covered again before long.

I came home from Campus Pizza where I’d shared a long conversation with the bartender about life, The Gophers, biking in the Twin Cities, her boyfriend and snow.

I decided to shovel the walkways of our house at midnight just for fun.  The walkway was covered over again by morning but I am still glad I shoveled snow.  The light from the streetlights, reflecting off the pure white gave the neighborhood an opalescent glow.

I had seen a jackrabbit run through the parking lot of the townhouses across the street while I was talking to my friend Penny.  She said, “There’s your fertility sign.”

I smiled at that.  It is great to have friends who can see the magic of life, ones like Penny who don’t just push aside your “signs and symbols” as myth and stupidity.  Penny recognizes the mark of the goddess as she sends the jackrabbit across the white snow in front of my bedroom window.  A sure sign of growth, beauty and life, even during the cold snowy night, the rabbit quickly made his way out past my view.  He gave me his message with the bob of his tail and moved on.

I dreamt of The Captain and I having a conversation and hanging out in a living room, somewhere.  Is it the future?  I do not know.  His presence is getting closer, it seems.  He spoke of seeing signs, also in his life, of awakening to some psychic powers – seeing things he wasn’t sure where real, or knowing things before they occurred.  It’s all so new for him and disconcerting.

I get a feeling that his friends may not be as supportive or understanding of his burgeoning world view.  They may just not get it.  They have fears about things that they cannot prove, perhaps.  They’ve been taught that Santa doesn’t exist and they choose to believe that when you are an adult, you stop acting like a child – full of wonder and magic.

When we open to our gifts, there is often a fear that we are losing our sanity.  How could this really be happening to me?  You are afraid of being judged and condemned; sent away from the pack or the group into a world of loneliness and ostracism.  Maybe you know someone who was ostracized.

I think it is easy to find evidence for whatever you believe.   If you are a closeted something or other, you can find so many evidence based examples of how you probably should stay in the closet to be “safe.”  What if that belief that you will not be safe, leads you to create the evidence?

What would happen if you ventured outside of the closet?  If you were fully and authentically yourself what would be the result?

When we live an empowered life – a life that is you being fully expressed – we give rise to the notion that we can truly love ourselves – warts/gifts/attributes/talents and all.

No one is born with something wrong with them.  We are what we are for a purpose.  We can end the struggle with being accepted when we accept that we are indeed exactly as we need to be.  There’s nothing wrong with us at the core.

If you were to see yourself as naturally creative, resourceful and whole – complete as you are and here for a purpose, how would that change the way you perceive your interactions with others?

Would you have compassion for the blindness that creates the need in them to see you as anything but whole?  Would you sense their judgments and accusations in a new light?  Could you open your resources – mind, heart, body – to present confidence as a mindset of “I am whole” and see what evidence shows up to support that vision?

It is true that you may have to find new friends, or be patient with the ones you have.  It is true that in being truly authentic you may have to “hear” some accusations that you aren’t acting the way you used to or that you frighten those who used to be friends to you.  It is true, you may have to run on your own steam and seek validation in those who can support the new vision.  In the end, however, in wholeness and authenticity, you are free to be.  There is a freedom from this viewpoint that no other way of being allows.

You will learn a level of compassion and heart for those who choose to live in a box of sameness out of fear.  You may see, in time, how gray and empty that world of sameness appears in the face of those who choose such a path.

You will know yourself on a deep and consecrated level.  You cannot be hurt because you know the truth of your wholeness…those accusations and ostracisms will seem strange and silly to you.  What’s the point of that stuff, you will say.  You will experience love on a grander, bigger scale, so powerful it can only come from a connection to the source of All That Is…from the core of you – being YOU.