This week marks the end of the horrendous overdraft and the beginning of what’s next?

My feelings have surfaced about money and continue to surface and I am dealing with all of this in a multi-dimensional way.  I think it’s the only way to change ones relationship to money.

The Universe is responding to these changes by bringing up issues of responsibility and conflict.

I am conflicted about what’s going to happen Wednesday when I get paid and I actually have some of my paycheck left in my Chase account.  My old M.O. would be to not think much on it or think that it wasn’t going to be enough and try to pay as many bills as possible.  I would leave just enough and then find out I wanted to meet a friend for dinner where I’d spend the rest of it.

Then Chase would find a way of spending into next week’s paycheck with payments coming in just in the right timing to be overdrawn…

I had no real power, I only thought I did.  Classic starving artist syndrome – Why? Because now I could be angry that my book wasn’t getting published and the world didn’t support my upward mobility as an artist.  I wouldn’t say this out loud or even to myself but I think it’s what was seething under the surface.

Last month I paid no bills myself.  I am doubled up on just about everything.

Still, I am working through my feelings of deprivation and don’t want to discount that some meetings and choices may be good for me to balance with just the bill paying.  In addition, I have to take the long-term approach with the shift from one mind-set to another.

Wednesday I will open an account at a different bank other than Chase, requiring me to spend some of the paycheck just to open the new account.  On Friday, I’ll be able to fax in my direct deposit change form along with my timecard and that process will be on its way.  I won’t cover every bill and won’t avoid every debt collector call but at least I’ll be on my way to taking my power back.

I start the 2^nd job at Baby Gap on Monday as well, when I attend their 4 hour training.  I wish my business was in a place to sustain me but it is not.  The abundance and shift point will need to come from these other areas for a time while I continue to set-up otherwise successful networks and finish my book project.

My book is the closest it’s ever been to actual publication.  I simply have to purchase the ISBN number and complete the distribution process.  After I do this, which may require a week or two, the book will be published on the Amazon and Barnes & Noble listings – which will take another eight weeks to filter through their approval processes.

I couldn’t say the same thing last year at this time.

This time last year, I couldn’t travel anywhere, didn’t have a passport and spent the holidays chatting online because no one was around to share them with.

Improvements have been made – passport is ready to go, I am publishing my blog on my own website and I just helped a good friend move to a better living situation yesterday.  If she can have her own place, so can I.  I have also traveled twice to Minneapolis this past year and once to LA.  Not so shabby really.

I have been watching Abraham-Hicks on http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php

Esther Hicks channels Abraham and it’s been fascinating to watch the video clips.  She spoke in one of the clips about how we avoid the vortex – the energy of complete co-creation – by making it both hard work and by doubting the possibility of doing it at the same time.

I decided to play with the concept of something being available to me anytime I was ready by stepping into the Vortex.  When I let my mind go, I found my ego right there giving me strange signals of – oh that’s a nice video and all but, that won’t happen to you that easily and a sinking feeling that it would be far too easy and she must be lying to me.

I see.  I can see clearly and feel it, even.  I have to sense the Vortex and be willing to jump and so far, I’ve been hanging on the edge.  Well, folks, I think I am just about sick of holding on and listening to that voice.  What’s next?